The feeling disappears for a while, but keeps returning after every few days. Sadness, anger, hurt, I don't know what it is. The weird part about this feeling is that it exists simultaneously with happiness, and frankly, I think that they are part of the same feeling.
I guess its a kind of acceptance; one that we never get what we want, and that's just life. Life-changing events take place without everyone being present and then life just goes on. Gone are the days when we felt that we had power over what went on in our lives, gone are the days when we thought everything was possible.
And honestly that's just depressing. Life is supposed to be about pursuing what you want, everything should be possible in life. Its not even like we are old: I'm only in my twenties, I should be able to make things happen for myself. I should be able to be spontaneous and take risks. But that never seems to be the case.
What the truly depressing part is things wouldn't be impossible if it wasn't for society and culture. Our beliefs and thoughts about what is 'culturally acceptable,' what others will say, how it will affect our relationships, how it will cause problems or create a bad impression and so on, hinder us in living life to the fullest. Social, financial and cultural restraints seem to make our lives impossible to enjoy. Yes, to an extent these things are needed to keep society stable, but nowadays people seem to think about them more than necessary. So much that it is almost sickening to see how obsessed we are with what others will say.
This blog is becoming into a place for me to rant about life rather than actually writing anything of substance. I don't want to make you think that the world is depressing place and that life isn't wonderful. Because it is, it really is. We are lucky to be alive when everyday thousands of people are dying in various parts of the world. But I have to rant about my problems somewhere, so I choose to tell you about them.
Moral of this post: It is possible to be sad and happy at the same time.
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